A few days ago, I participated in an Instagram interview with Brides.com where couples had the opportunity to ask a few pressing questions they’re facing during this time of uncertainty. Afterwards, I received a ton of direct messages and even a few emails asking a few more. Because I now realize there are many of you out there without a planner or without someone who’s working with you throughout the entire process, I wanted to share my answers to the most common questions I’m getting:
SHOULD I HAVE A PLAN B IN PLACE IF MY WEDDING ISN’T UNTIL LATER IN THE YEAR?
While the government mandate surrounding events is currently until May 15th, I do think it’s always a good idea to have a plan B in your back pocket, just in case this extends longer than we’re prepared for. I don’t think you need to implement it until absolutely necessary, but I would recommend reaching out to your vendors, your venue and any one else related to your wedding day. Chat through postponement policies, availability and more. If your venue allows, I’d also recommend penciling in a backup date asking them to contact you if another couple comes along wanting that date. This will buy you some time and a little peace of mind knowing you have a date on hold. Please note that not all venues are offering this option but it doesn’t hurt to ask. Get a full understanding of who may be available for the date, who you may need to move forward without and create a full plan of attack should the mandate force you to move your wedding. As a general rule, plan for the worst but hope for the best.
HOW DO I KNOW WHEN IT’S TIME TO MAKE THE CALL TO POSTPONE?
If you’re within a couple weeks of the current government deadline, no one would blame you for considering postponement. Depending on what your contracts look like with venues and vendors, you could make the call now or ride it out based on how important it is to you to keep your original date. Ultimately I’d recommend chatting with your family and friends. Find out who’s still in and who may no longer be able to attend due to health or financial reasons. If you have several people you can’t imagine marrying without who have to bail on the original date, you may want to take that into consideration when deciding to postpone. If you just want to be married and you don’t care if 50 or 300 are there, then you can wait as long as it feels right for you.
I HAD TO POSTPONE MY WEDDING AND MY PHOTOGRAPHER (caterer, band, etc….) ISN’T AVAILABLE FOR THE NEW DATE. WHAT DO I DO ABOUT MY RETAINER?
This is a complicated issue many couples and vendors are facing right now and it doesn’t have a great solution to be honest. If you’re working with a vendor with a non refundable retainer (which is 99.9% of all vendors out there), and you simply cannot work around their schedule, I’d recommend talking to your vendor to see if they can provide a suitable replacement which your original retainer can be applied to. Within our industry, many of us are rallying together to support each other in situations just like this. While you may not get the exact same person you hoped for, you may be able to recover some of your investment and know you are putting it towards another, equally qualified vendor, your first choice can vouch for. If your vendor doesn’t offer this immediately, don’t hesitate to ask the question: “Is there anyone on your team or in your circle of associates who can cover (play, cook, etc…) at my wedding instead? Could my retainer fully or partially be applied to their services?” While not every vendor will have this sort of collaboration in place, they may be open to getting creative because you posed the question.
WHY AM I BEING CHARGED “CHANGE FEES” OR OTHER INCREASES WHEN POSTPONING IS OUTSIDE OF MY CONTROL?
Every vendor sees this a little differently. At BHE we are treating this situation the same way we would approach terminal illness, a death in the family or any other unforeseen tragedy where a date change is necessary. Just like in those situations, we are choosing not to implement change fees for the couples we work with. However, because I’ve had thorough conversations with many of my associates, I do understand that several see this situation as one that will ultimately result in more work. Which is fair and true. They will be spending more time working with you, potentially investing in increased labor, overhead and so on. And while no one likes to talk about this, everyone in our industry is still running a business. In business, moving anticipated revenue from one quarter to another or worse, one year to the next, can cause major financial strain on even the most conservative business owners. The change fee not only allows them to retain some of this year’s anticipated revenue but it also allows them to feel comfortable about committing to another date. While there’s no guarantee for flexibility here, my suggestion would be to discuss the reasoning behind the change fee with your vendor. If it is because they will be doing more work, perhaps you can negotiate new terms where they pause services for weeks or months until closer to the new date. At that point, services can reconvene. If it’s because they want to ensure you’re fully committed to the new date or are trying to retain revenue for the quarter or year, perhaps offering to make another payment towards your existing contract may help alleviate the issue. Ask questions and open up communication for transparent conversations. Doing so may create a solution that will make both of you comfortable.
WHAT’S THE BEST WAY TO ADVISE GUESTS OF OUR POSTPONEMENT
While I’m forever a form over function girl, I do think immediacy trumps design in this one scenario. For that reason, I think a thoughtfully worded email sent out to each guest is the best way to communicate your postponement. If you don’t have a new date yet, that’s okay. Simply let them know you look forward to celebrating with each of them in the near future and will be in touch once you have more details.
MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS KEEP CONTACTING ME ASSUMING WE’RE GOING TO POSTPONE BUT MY WEDDING IS MONTHS OUT. WE’RE NOT READY TO MAKE THE DECISION YET AND THE CONSTANT ASSUMPTIONS AND QUESTIONS IS STRESSING ME OUT. WHAT CAN I DO?
If you have a full service planning team, I’d recommend politely setting a boundary and asking the guest to direct all future questions to your planner. We are navigating several of these conversations for our couples currently and are happy to offer support in this way. Alternatively if you are navigating these waters alone, ask a friend or family member who is both diplomatic and able to keep their emotions in check to be your liaison. Ask if you can share his/her email or phone number with guests and ask them to handle the conversations on your behalf. Once that’s in place, you can start responding to guests with a simple but sweet email that says: “Hi there! Thank you so much for your concern. We still remain very excited about our wedding and hope to stay with the original plans. Because we are receiving similar questions and understandably so, we’ve asked our planner (or friend) to step in from here on out. Please feel free to email him/her with any additional questions you may have. Doing so will allow me and my fiance to further enjoy our engagement as much a possible. We will be in touch if anything changes and again please feel freed to direct any additional concerns or questions (planner/friend’s) way.”
Overall, simply keeping in mind that this is new territory for not only you but your vendors and guests, will go along way. Also, always work from the assumption that your vendors and guests are rooting for you, because they truly are, even if you don’t understand their approach. Best of luck to each of you and as always, please do not hesitate to email me at [email protected] if you have any other questions. We’re all truly in this together at this point and I’m happy to help as much as possible.
